I’m feeling sort of stuck right now. Maybe it’s just me. Probably so.
All my personal plans from before the quake are on hold – things that were dreams, goals, and wishes, projects, major life changes. They all became less important than the pressing need to help relief efforts.
But the relief efforts are growing more diffuse and harder to keep track of. Where can I help? What should I contribute toward? Fundraising events and campaigns of all sorts are taking off, including a few that I am helping to coordinate in the hooping community. Lots of independent relief projects have sprung up now, at least in the foreign community, involving delivery of goods. They are critical because they are agile enough to
take food and supplies off the beaten track to the people who are
sheltering at home without resources of the evacuation centers. Plus there are still 160,000 people in centers and their needs range from basics like water, electricity and food to more modern necessities like phone chargers. Not to mention the start of cleaning up everything. Several friends have made their way north or are about to go help in various ways from mucking mud to cooking to entertaining kids at the clinics. I want to go, too, but something is holding me back.
The feeling of being held back is strong. It’s stopping me from doing anything productive today. Part of me wants to create something, part of me wants to shake or
stretch or spin. And then this little bit of me puts the kibosh on all
those impulses. Every time I make a start, a little voice discourages me. Not a paranoid voice or warning, just something sort of small and depressed. “Don’t do that; it’s too hard.” It’s saying the same thing about the taxes and the housework and going outside. So I read a novel and napped today, mostly. There’s been no forward progress on anything.
I know that in a day or two this block will break free and I will be full of energy and activity again. I’m just finding it hard and frustrating today. So I think I will force myself to finish the taxes before I make dinner. (Shut up little voice; I know it is hard.) Maybe after dinner I will put pen to paper in a sketchbook to get my mind moving. (Shut up little voice; I’m not making a masterwork, just a doodle.) Tomorrow I will make progress on one of my fundraising/relief activities.
Eventually, my previous plans will be back on track. Until then, I’ve got to do what I can to help the people needing assistance, including my friends. What can I do for you?
