This weekend there is a basketweaving workshop in Kimitsu. Naomi sent me a link this morning for a “make a colander basket with goldenrod” event. There’s a Zoom version and an in-person version for five hours on Saturday.
555 has a wealth of raw materials that have rekindled my interest in fiber arts, herbalism, and wild foods. We have wild hemp, goldenrod, various palms, and fiber plants. There are edible and medicinal leaves, seeds, and fruits of all sorts. I want to work with what is growing wildly in addition to adding my own touches with a kitchen garden.
So I need to learn. I have some experience in these topics from way back in the 80s and 90s but it was all in the US. I can see that Japan has much to teach me and this goldenrod basket workshop is perfect timing.
BUT…the destination is about an hour away by car, and the workshop is taught by two Japanese artists/farmers. So it hits both of my biggest weak points: driving and language. I will have to be very brave to go do this.
This is clearly an opportunity for some “inner work” and facing my fears. Why am I scared of driving? What is it about Japanese language makes me shy away from speaking?
I had a small epiphany: it’s not the doing that scares me, it is the consequences of doing things badly. If I drive badly, I risk injuring the car, myself, and other people or their property. If I speak or listen badly, it’s not only embarrassing when I misunderstand but also a problem if I completely miss out on information that I need.
There are hundreds of things that I do that feel like low stakes, so I have granted myself permission to do them poorly and I don’t mind about the consequences – playing music, making art, cooking, getting dressed, blogging. Mostly they have personal consequences to me only. I am pretty impervious to other people’s low opinion on these matters and I also know that I will improve with practice.
Of course, I will improve with practice in driving and language, too. But the hurdle of overcoming the paralysing fear inhibits my practice.
Here are my fears as a list of “What If” questions:
- What if I go to the event and the parking is difficult?
- What if I have to execute my real nemesis…backing up?
- What if I miss a turn because the navi was hard to understand?
- And horror of horrors, what if I cause an accident?
- What if someone asks me a question and I don’t understand?
- What if my self-introduction makes no sense?
- What if I don’t understand how to do the activities?
- What if I zone out and lose the thread of the conversation?
- What if my fear triggers a panic attack or other problem?
You know what? Writing each fear in this format, seeing them typed out, makes them conquerable. One my one they can be planned for, prepared with some study, or workshopped in my mind with image training.
I’ve got this. I think I will attend this workshop, face my fears, and make a basket in person. Not on Zoom.
