Amae

I’ve been reading an interesting classic text on Japanese psychology: Anatomy of Dependence by Dr. Takeo Doi. It was written in 1971 and Doi was hailed as the Freud of Japan.
In the book, he explains amae. It’s odd but I can’t even begin to explain amae even after reading nearly 100 pages of the book, instinctually understanding the concept, even having a few “Aha! That explains that thing I experienced” moments as I read along.
Amae isn’t unknown to Western culture, but there’s no word for it. It’s part unconditional love, part dependency, part selfishness, part generosity, part obligation, part indulgence.
For example, amae is what Tod and I experience when I bring him coffee in bed in the morning–he is relying on me to indulge him and I am (usually) happy to do so. When he tucks me in at night, that’s amae I get a warm loving feeling as he indulges my desire to be cuddled and made safe before I go to sleep. It makes me want to bring him coffee in the mornings. What goes around, comes around.
The book is good. I’m not all the way through it, but I expect I’ll have quite a few more “aha!’ moments as I see why Japanese people sometimes behave in ways that seem odd to me. If you are interested in why Japanese seem “different” to Westerners, this is a good place to start your explorations.