My sleep is usually broken by cats taking over my space in the bed, or cats coming in from a hunt announcing their triumphs, or cats jumping on my chest and requesting access to the under covers. Let’s face it, cats mess up my nights.
Thanks to a lot of cat activity last night, I was up at 2:30. I went outside to look at the Orionids (and they were pretty!) around 3:30 and then came back inside and fell asleep soundly for about an hour.
During that hour, I had quite a vivid dream and when I woke, I remembered it well. It didn’t fade away at all, which to me is an sign to make a note of it. So here it is:
I was getting off a bus and couldn't find my ticket. I thought it was in the little flap of my wallet, but the ticket there was there wasn't the right one. My dress pocket was stuffed with tickets and receipts and as I stood at the door of the bus, I pawed through my pocket but couldn't find the one I needed. The riders behind me were impatient. The driver told me to take my time as he was going on break. We all got off the bus. I emptied my pockets and opened up my purse. Eventually I started looking at the dates on the tickets I had but struggled with what the date actually was. The 13th? The 17th? There were so many tickets. I am not sure I ever found the right one. My goldenrod-colored backpack purse was full of stuff and now that I was off the bus and had time before I had to turn around and go back, I decided to dump everything out and tidy it. There was a spray bottle full of cleaner and a full bottle of face lotion. I found several fabric drawstring bags in different colors that had collections of semi-precious stones. I found a beautiful quartz pendant in a tiny gift bag. There were toys and games. Three miniature Christmas trees. All sorts of stationery. And tickets. People came up and talked to me as I sorted and examined my things. A few stood by like vultures ready to snatch up what they liked. A passel of gay boys sat on the sofas and shot out witty commentary. A young girl asked me about the bag full of red jasper so I offered it to her. The bus depot had a couple of "take one, leave one" tables with beauty supplies, books, and other random stuff on them, so I decided I'd add my things if they seemed nice enough to share. I put the Christmas trees out with great care, making sure the tiny pastel pompom ornaments were neatly aligned on the brushy branches. I opted to keep some of the stones: the pendant got tucked safely into my pocket the moment I discovered it; a smooth labradorite and a leopard spotted blue rock went back into my purse. The bus driver returned, told me it was too much on the tables and removed most of the things. I stayed behind as the bus left so that I could talk to my friend Dave who had appeared from nowhere and was sitting on a sofa.
Was I dreaming of unpacking my inner self, or was this dream about letting go of things I’ve been carrying around? Paying attention to my audience? Who knows? I am interested in having remembered the dream in such detail.
My sister sent me some Jungian interpretation – everything I dream about is actually myself – and suggested that there was a lot of “letting go of things here, a value on playfulness and wonder, a positive outlook, and wisdom, but also a reluctance/fear to move forward with something in/as a group.”
You hit the nail on the head, Jenny!
So using her guidance, here is how I interpreted my dream.
The Lost Ticket
Starring Kristen as…
- The bus driver. The driver was patient and generous with time to get the ticket, even taking a break. But then was irritable that the bus depot was cluttered with my stuff. Well, if that’s not true in real life, I don’t know what is. I take breaks all the time and then I feel guilty for not getting things done and shit being messy.
- Impatient riders. Where do I think I am supposed to be? Why am I impatient to get there? LOL…because I always have been impatient to reach goals. That’s a whole analysis in itself.
- Gay boy kibitzers. My own hilarious inner critics giving me shit about what I am carrying around. I love that they were sassy. I guess I have a sense of humour about myself.
- Young girl. This is my sense of curiosity and wonder. But why was she interested only in the red jasper and not the toys or anything else? I don’t feel like my own wonder or curiosity are limited in waking life.
- Freebie vultures. They gave me an uneasy feeling in my dream, but I inwardly laughed at them, too. Greedy people are inevitable and I have to count myself among them.
- Dave. I haven’t heard from Dave in a while, so it was nice to see him in my dream. But how does he represent me? A distraction? A reminder? A warning? Could be all three.
Set dressing by the subconscious
- The bus. Vehicles in dreams represent the body. Seems like I feel not in control – someone else is piloting my body and I couldn’t get off the bus without my lost ticket. Later on I chose not to continue my journey on the bus. IRL, I am struggling with my heart condition and energy and I do feel out of control. Do I want to leave my body and not come back? Hmmm.
- Piles of tickets and receipts. These are definitely a reflection of money spent, and all the costs I have been racking up with the house.
- Missing ticket. Admission (or exit) to something. Where am I not letting myself go?
- Drawstring bags. Drawstring bags remind me of Mom, who made some as gift wrapping many years ago. I still use those bags, but don’t have any in my purse right now.
- Stones. Some of these have meaning to me in real life, others I am not sure. The crystal point pendant is magic amplification and clarity; labradorite is crone energy. Red jasper is usually balance and health but these jaspers were wildly misshapen – almost like lava flow or fulgerite. The spotted blue stone is a mystery; it was marked like a jasper, but blue like lapis.
- Christmas trees. Really random, but so specific. Jenny suggested they symbolise eternal life. Three has so many meanings – maiden, mother, crone; harmony, wisdom, understanding; the Christian trinity; past, present, future.
- Toys & games. They felt like an afterthought – Oh yeah, here’s something else in my purse. I should put them on the table for others to enjoy and people will like me more. The freebie vultures liked these.
- Tables. Places to share, community. TBH, I have been feeling adrift without a community recently. There were two tables – do I have two communities to choose from? Yes, I do (and maybe more).
- My pocket and purse. These are places to hold and hide. Am I hiding things away? In this dream, I emptied them all out, revealing everything I have. Jenny pointed out that I put everything out, and then it got taken away (by me as the bus driver).
So I guess, taking that all from subconscious through the filter of conscious thought: I am concerned about my health, aware of overspending, preventing myself from doing things, and feel eager to please but rejected by community.
