This morning I was feeling unsettled.

American government is transforming into something unrecognisable as the democracy that I am comfortable with. The Constitution is being cherry-picked just like the Bible. Whatever supports the narrative is mentioned and everything else is ignored. Checks and balances of power in Articles I-III are out the door in favor of executive orders. 2nd Amendment right to bear arms is all good, but the 1st Amendment’s freedom of assembly is eroded. All the while red flags wave about imperialist takeovers, changing political alliances, and the importance of economic savings through slashing the bureaucracy.

So that is kinda big and on my mind.

Which of course leads me to wonder how I can be a better person in the world today. Can I somehow push back against the US insanity more forcefully than my Project 2025 Bingo card and the Muskrat Invasion List? Maybe I should focus on what I can do to bring good to the world – support the people suffering, offer aid through art, yoga, and so on. How can I be of service in the most useful way? It’s not an easy question to answer.

And then there is an upcoming McQuillin family reunion in the US. My gut tells me not to go. But this is quite likely the last time we will all be together as an extended family with the parent generation. I want to celebrate Jeanie’s 80th. But…urgh. I have a knot in my stomach and I am procrastinating getting flights booked. This morning I told Tod that I want to stay home.

With these big feelings, I decided to practice what I teach. I sat myself at the studio table and pulled out canvas boards, paint, pens, and other art supplies. Put marks on a page and let my brain focus on that for a while. Answers may come intuitively as I let go of thinking too hard.

The first drawing is water. Going with the flow? Maybe it’s a racing river flooding and taking everything in its path. The silver circle looks like a golf ball. It doesn’t have much meaning. I did it as an ice-breaker and then set it aside.

I started the next one with some grey swipes from a palette knife. I colored them in red, orange and yellow. I already hated it as I was working on it. Chaotic. No focus. No structure or even intention. I wasn’t sure where it was going – just like the state of my mind. It was a mess. I abandoned it. Maybe it would be better later.

Fortunately, the third painting was much more pleasant. Almost easy.

I wanted green and the color I mixed reminded me of winter foliage that’s lost its chlorophyll; dull reddish leaves awaiting the warmth of a new season. From the color I was inspired by this week’s rain and the rice fields. That got me started and I had fun layering step by step – background, the circles leading the eye in a pleasant way, the umbrella ribs and white dots (rain? rice?), then the neurographic grid on top. It is cold spring rain in the rice fields.

Finally I returned to the red painting. I screwed around with it. When in doubt, add more details. So I put in embellishments to make the blobs look more like wood, with highlights in white and black, then realised that this painting’s main problem was a lack of center. So, in keeping with my mental state of unknowing and destruction, I gave it a big black hole. The void.

The void might be too stark and barren, but I will let it sit a while and see if there’s a figure that might emerge from it, or a pattern that makes sense of the chaos around it.

Making art for mental health is beneficial. After getting to this point in the painting, I sent a necessary emails I had avoided. Maybe the reply will inspire additions to this trio of paintings.

The trio of cats shared a bed in the studio while I worked.